My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Congratulations! We have a period
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
