Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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