His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
