life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
