theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
