the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
