my sisters under your porch take her home
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i dont even know how to be here
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
