the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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