What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
