I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
