I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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