Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
