HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
