The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Boobs speak an international language.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
