we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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