I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
