I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
