we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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