So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
