I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize