Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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