dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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