What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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