So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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