I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize