You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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