I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
