If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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