So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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