the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
