It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
