I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i out mim tonsoeep
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
