Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
