i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
