How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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