I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
