I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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