so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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