when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
