if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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