She is in my trunk
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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