can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
