You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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