I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
