I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
