i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
