don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
