Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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