also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
