I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
