It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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