hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
