Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize