Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
