I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
