she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize