I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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