my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Someone shattered a urinal.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
