Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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