Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
