Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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