apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
