Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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