they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
