My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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