You can't special order awesome
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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