Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
