Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
