glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We talked him into tasing himself.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
