her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
