she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
