I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
