No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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