Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
