the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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