and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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