I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
