he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
