My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
