babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
pray to the hookup gods
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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