i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
