i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think my nap took me to another dimension
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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