i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
