Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
did i just pee glitter
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
