dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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