Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
