I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
