I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
