I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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