the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize