I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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