If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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